February 14, 2021
Days Of Job
As I continued to pray about the coming events related to this message of " Days Of Job" . This question cross my mind. " Why will a loving Heavenly Father allows bad things to happen to His children?"
There were many answers from the Bible the Holy Spirit impressed were the reasons. BUT today He showed me one in a manner which made me speechless.
Just like when Job went thru those hard times. All his friends were trying to find reasons for his sufferings. BUT when it was time for the Lord to speak to Job. He never gave Job any reason but instead He reminded Job about His nature. WHO HE IS
My mind was brought back to some of the facts related to the life of Jesus when He chose to came to earth & lived the life of a man.
In the book of Matthew 1:1-16 where it records Jesus' ancestors. The names of these women were highlighted to me by the Holy Spirit TAMAR, REHAB, RUTH, MARY ( Jesus' earthly mother). We all know their background.
Tamar has a son born out of an incest relation.
Rehab was a prostitute.
Ruth was a Moabite.
Mary was a simple ordinary girl coming from an ordinary family.
Jesus chose to be born in the most unclean, unsanitized place for His appearance. THE ANIMAL BARN . A place where even the poorest woman today need not have to go to give birth.
He chose to be born in Nazareth which was a place looked down by many people.
" Can anything good come from there ( Nazareth) ? " John 1:46
He chose a hard life as a carpenter before He started His ministry with a large family to support.
During His life on earth, He experienced hunger, thirst, betrayal, extreme pain, mocked, spit at, laugh at.
HE EXPERIENCED WORSE THINGS THAN ANY ONE PEŔSON LIVING NOW CAN EXPERIENCE IN OUR LIFETIME.
REASON FOR THE FATHER ALLOWING ALL THESE & FOR JESUS CHOOSING THIS KIND OF LIFE WAS SUM UP IN 1 WORD
Because of what He went thru no one who come to Jesus can accuse Him of not understanding how they feel.
His answer to every person who runs to Him for comfort will be
" I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. I HAVE BEEN THERE."
MY PERSONAL TESTIMONY
The Holy Spirit challenge me to share part of my own journey as a child of God not to glorify myself but to narrate How our Loving Father whose ways & thoughts are much higher than our own , taught me valuable lessons & His way of revealing Himself to me & teaching me who He is to me.
We are called the body of Christ, composed of different type of people, with different backgrounds, different characteristics all joined as one.
To become effective witness to a suffering, in pain, struggling mass of humanity. God has allowed His children to experience themselves sufferings & difficult experiences so they in turn can ministered to those in similar situation.
A family that has experience rape, murder, grave sickness, etc happening in their own families can witness effectively to those who are going thru the same situation.
LIKE JESUS, THEY CAN IDENTIFY WITH WHAT OTHERS ARE GOING THRU BECAUSE THEY HAVE EXPERIENCED IT THEMSELVES.
PERSONAL LESSON IN EXPERIENCING JOY THAT PASSETH ALL HUMAN UNDERSTANDING
20 years ago, I found a very small cyst at the back of my tongue, small like a pimple. Altho it was uncomfortable, it was not painful enough to force me to seek medical attention. Then, 1 day my son was hospitalized & while talking to our family doctor, in passing I also showed him the cyst. His reaction was to push me to seek specialized advice as he do not like the look of the cyst.
Fast forward, I consulted an ENT doctor who told me I had to be admitted because the location of the cyst made it difficult to do an outpatient biopsy. Instead I had to be totally sedated in the OR & the attending medical team will perform a biopsy & result thereof will determined their next action. If the cyst is cancerous , depending on the type of cancer, the team will decide how much of my tongue will be cut.
I was startled by this. But somehow, before the operation date. The Holy Spirit started to impressed to me that it is cancer. So the big day come
When I woke back still with traces of blood in my OR gown, unable to speak. I knew then without doubt that my tongue has been cut. I was expecting flood of negative feelings & emotions to overwhelm me but instead the most unexpected thing happened.
I sense like a river of joy & laughter bursting from with in. No matter how I tried to feel afraid or worried, these flow of joy & laughter will flow from within which I cannot control. When friends came to visit & they look sad for me, I end up cheering them.
It was such an unexpected, unbelievable experience that I initially thought something was wrong with me. THEN the Holy Spirit spoke gently to my heart. " This is the peace of God that passeth understanding which Paul talk about in Philippians 4:7. You are experiencing it now"
For the next year where I have to learn how to use my tongue again & learn how to talk, despite the pain resulting from head & neck radiation which caused me to suffer intense pain from your flesh being slowly burn inside by the radiation resulting to loss of taste, loss of saliva, difficulty eating, ( yes, I did cried & complained along the way) BUT the presence of that joy & peace flooded my whole being.
Those difficult physical sufferings turn out to be my spiritual mountaintop experience with God.
DESTROYING HUMAN VANITY & REVEALING THE LOVING HEART OF THE FATHER
Born as a woman, I have to admit that I am concerned about my appearance & look. And these feelings did not go away just because I am a Christian.
My maternal grandma died at age 20+ in China from breast cancer. My own mother has a mastectomy in 1 breast when she was 50+. I personally saw that breast that was cut away from my mom. That scarred flat empty area where a breast used to be present. ( that time breast repair was not yet a normal procedure )
It put a dready feeling in me. This is something that maybe only women will understand. No matter how my mind told me ' It was needed to save her life'. Yet a part of me is not willing to face it. We were told by our doctors to be vigilant about checking for breast cancer because of our family history.
And cancer did struck my life , now that I see more things more clearly. Our Heavenly Father understanding my fear of losing my breasts , sovereignly shifted my cancer to my mouth.
The doctors then where surprised why I contracted tongue cancer which afflicts mostly heavy drinker & smoker & I did not do both things.
SECOND DISPLAY OF GOD'S GRACE & HIS UNDERSTANDING OF MY FEAR.
Fast forward 20 years, the radiation I underwent after my surgery to further control the cancer spreading resulted to my blood vessel around my mouth area to be destroyed. Without blood circulation, my jawbone started to become brittle & it started to break to small pieces.
Around 2017 I began to find small pieces of bones coming out of my gums. And swelling began to manifest in my lower mouth.
After many doctors & various tests, we found the cause. My jaw is breaking down. Trying to save as much of my jaw as possible. Doctor who operated on me will remove my teeth to open my gums to allow him to remove the decayed bones.
From 2017 to 2019, the dentist office become my own office, having to
go there weekly to cleanse the open gums ( it cannot be sewed & had to be allowed to close on its own). This become my ritual for the last 3 years.
It took 3 hospital admissions plus various in house dental operations to finally stopped the decay.
1st operation I lost 3 lower teeth, 2nd operation 5 more lower teeth was removed. 3rd operation all the remaining lower teeth. The cleaning of decayed jaw has made my lower gum so low that the doctor told me he will not suggest my getting false teeth or implants procedure because of the brittleness of my jawbones. He was giving me a verdict. I must learn to live with not being able to chew my foods.
Altho the verdict is not life threatening. Yet the last 3 years has not been an easy time for me, physically, financially, emotionally & spiritually. The reality that I can no longer enjoy eating hard, crunchy foods was a reality I must live with.
When people invites us or there are yummy foods before me. I can only focus not on the loss but be grateful that I am alive.
The biggest reward I got from this journey was that it was my lower teeth which was affected. So now despite having no lower teeth, I can still smile because my upper teeth are all still intact. People who are not aware of what happens cannot see the empty space in my lower teeth.
FATHER ALLOWED ME TO RETAIN MY POISE & DIGNITY & MY LOOK.
LESSON IN DYING TO SELF & LEARNING TO LIVE NOT BY FEELING BUT BY FAITH
I do-not know what cause or trigger depression. Whether it is hormonal or because of trauma, this is not something I can explain BUT for whatever reason our Heavenly Father allowed me to walk that paths.
My mother who experienced being put in public interrogation during the Communist revolution in China, having suffered personal loss of a mother at an early age, having suffered injustices in the hands of our own relatives have develop signs of mental dis-order which I saw sometimes in the 1980. She will exhibit dual personality from time to time. & when she is not herself, she will do things totally opposite to her normal nature. She will accuse & chase people whom her troubled mind told her are her enemy. This has put us in some embarrassing situations. It hurt more when some people who do not understand my mothers condition called her crazy.
BUT IT DID NOT END THERE. For the next 20 years, not only do we have to learn to live with my mother's dis-order. In 1982 after the birth of my daughter Kristin, I started to hear voices in my mind ( early sign of depression) which kept accusing me non stop day & night. Not understanding about mental sickness, we did not seek medical help but try to find fix to it ourselves.
My depression went from bad to worse that in the next 20 years ( even after I became a christian.) I continue to live with that oppressive presence which can make me hide from people, locking myself in the room , hiding under the bed or closets. Living like a zombie with blank looks & constant desire to self destruct.
What makes matter more worse is that another brother began to exhibit bi-polar behavior. For a season, he will be hyper active, than another season like me he will be hiding in his room for months. Some 3 years ago, on his birthday, riding his motorcycle to go home to pick up his family so they can have a family bday celebration. He was run over by a car, dragged, pinned under & died on the way to the hospital.
My mother died some years before my brother in the same state of mind that she has been living with for many years.
This has been the most painful experience that I have to learn to surrender to our Heavenly Father. He did not chose to heal any of us instantly. My mom & brod died with these not being cured. I have to learn to live with it for many years & even today that ugly head of depression still surface at times trying to steal my joy.
BUT PRAISE GOD THAT THRU THE YEARS of training He puts me through. I have found the courage to face them.
THE HEAVENLY FATHER'S ASSURANCE OF HIS PRESENCE & ANOINTING IRREGARDLESS OF HOW WE FEEL IS ENOUGH FOR ME
I HAVE TASTE & SEEN HIS GOODNESS & LOVE IN MY LIFE & THAT IS ENOUGH.
THE MOST IMPORTANT LESSON I LEARN IS BECAUSE OF WHAT HE ALLOWED ME TO GO THRU. I CAN IDENTIFY BETTER WITH OTHERS GOING THRU SAME STRUGGLE & CAN CONFIDENTLY TELL THEM " I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL." & REALLY MEANT IT.
So sorry that this message is long & spoke of personal experiences. In my flesh, I donot desire to share them, BUT the nudging of the Holy Spirit to share is strong. So I pray for whatever reason He is nudging me this way, may His purpose be accomplished.
Blessings to every reader,
Share your stories by emailing to Trish@WhisperingSpark.com
Whether you call them divine appointments, chance encounters, miracles or coincidences you know when you have had one, It is that moment that seemed surreal, that either changed the direction of your life or someone else's, that unexplained happening that you just cannot wrap your analytical mind around and leaves you shaking your head.
I have had many, and wanted to be able to share with you, as I start putting them all to paper. For me, as a follower of the Way, I call them miracles and divine appointments. The memory fades, but stories live longer. So, today I want to share one that really stands out in my mind, and to this day I am in awe of the happenings of that cold afternoon, as I was working in the Happy Thoughts clothing store on Mooney Boulevard, in the small town of Visalia, Ca.
It had been a very slow day, and not many customers had come into our gently used clothing store. I was training one of the young ladies from the Thunderbolt youth program skills on how to work in retail, to help her in her job quest. It was towards the end of the day when a young man walked into the store. He looked rough, like gang style rough. He was dirty and smelled of smoke and meth,as if he was living on the streets and I heard a whisper on my ear to send the young girl home, NOW! Since it was the end of the day, I told the worker to go ahead and call it a day, she would get full credit. As the young man wandered aimlessly throughout the store, the worker's ride arrived to pick her up. As soon as she was gone, this young man got my full attention. I sized him up and took him to the men's clothing area. I noticed his shoes had holes and he had no jacket in this cold weather. We found the perfect fit in both for him. One of our stores policies were if we saw a need, fill it. So we went through gently worn clothes looking for his treasures.
As we talked I learned he was from Tulare, had gotten out of jail a month before, had just found a place to live and had no job. He went to change his clothes in the bathroom. As he was changing in the bathroom, I was impressed to gather some of the new toys we had gotten in, unopened, for a toddler. I stacked these together and wrapped a beautiful ribbon around them, placing a bow on top, all ready to give to a little one. A few moments later he came out of the bathroom, and the transformation was amazing. He had washed his face and hands and wet back his hair. He could not have been more than 18. He mentioned only having a dollar or two. I told him there was no charge for today. He looked totally surprised and then suspicious. I asked him if he had any children. He said yes and that was the reason he came in, to find something for his child. He looked over at what I had on the counter and said something to the effect of if I had the money that is what I would like to get. I told him that the Lord had already put on my heart to gather together the toys and put a ribbon and a bow on them so he could give the gift to his child. His eyes got real big and he trembled. He said well I can take the shoes, but was acting real cagey. I do not remember him ever telling me his name , but at that moment I knew it and called him by it and told him there was no charge for the clothes he had on, the jacket or the toys, that they were a free gift from Jesus.
That 18 year old boy broke and started crying, said he was addicted to drugs and had come in to rob me to buy drugs and buy his baby a gift. He wanted to know who was this person that cared about him enough to get his baby a present and give him clothes. He said he wanted to be free. I told him about Jesus, how he had taken our sins upon himself and died and rose again and sits by His Father in heaven, so that we could be free and live a life with Him. That young man repented from his sins and asked the Lord Jesus into his heart and asked him to set him free from drugs. As he opened his eyes, he smiled and said I feel like I can breathe and so light, like there is nothing on my shoulders. We laughed and hugged and celebrated his decision. He asked if I could please throw away all his old things, he was a new man. I assured him I would. We had an extra bible so I gave him that and contacts in Tulare at a church I knew would love him and help him in his new walk. As I locked the door of the business that night it hit me, this young man was going to rob me and maybe kill me (no money taken in that day, $20 in the till). Instead, God had a plan that was so much bigger than even I could imagine.
I have put one of my own stories here to get you started. Share your stories by emailing to Trish@WhisperingSpark.com