My Why

My Why

Why am I sharing my experiences, and the things and people who have helped me on my journey to wholeness?  Why do I have a such passion to comfort others and give information that may help on the journey of wellness?.  I have learned so much through the years, but I did not feel I had a voice because of trauma and circumstances. I realized that the battle I had been fighting was not just in the sensory realm, but it was also occuring in the spiritual realm.  Can you hang with me for a little while?  You took the time to check things out here, so I want to take the time to share a ittle of my story with you. 

In the Wilderness

The enemy started early in my life, attempting to steal, kill, and destroy my identity through trauma and deception.  At the age of 4, I lost my father to brain cancer. I have heard many people say that a 3- or 4-year-old does not remember things and that children are resilient. Yes, they are resilient, but in my case, I vividly remember my daddy getting sick, his violent outbursts toward my mother, and the breaking of furniture. I felt terror and shame. As a child, I somehow felt that Daddy being sick was my fault, and that if I were better, he would not get so mad at Momma. I realize now, years later, that brain tumors can sometimes change behavior, and there was nothing I could have done.

By third grade, I began experiencing bullying that continued through junior high and left me feeling isolated. By fourth grade, my brothers and I were also enduring physical abuse, and I was subjected to sexual abuse that continued for years. When I finally found the courage to tell my mother, the abuse did not immediately stop; in some ways, it intensified. I also survived another violent violation as a teenager. Those years left deep wounds, but they also reveal how early the enemy tried to silence and destroy me.

What I can say is that being the oldest girl among five children in the middle of that chaos—and trying to protect them—was too much for me to carry.

I am reminded, as I look back on my life, of that scripture in Psalm 34:18: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” I had no idea how close the Lord was to me or that He would save me. At that time, I thought maybe I needed to pray to St. Jude, the patron of lost causes.

God Turns Pain Into Purpose

In Romans 8:28, it says God causes all things to work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His plan and purpose. Romans 8:28 does not mean everything that happened to me was good. Abuse was not good. Fear was not good. Betrayal was not good. But God is so sovereign that He can take what was meant to destroy me and work it together for my good and for His glory.

2 Corinthians 1:3–6 says that God comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others with the comfort we received. That means that my healing was never just for me. My survival was never just for me. God comforted me so I could stand and comfort someone else.

Did you know that to produce wine and olive oil, the fruit must first be crushed, pressed, processed, and then poured out? In many ways, we are like that fruit. When we yield to God, He can take what crushed us and use it to bring life, healing, and joy to others.

So, you ask, what did God do with all these years of pain? He turned my pain into a passionate purpose to serve Him. It taught me His faithfulness. It taught me perseverance, and hopefully, it made my heart softer, my voice kinder, and me less judgmental. It gave me comfort so that I could comfort others.